Tough Love

Working with High School and College students, relationships (serious or not) are often a topic of conversation. I have seen great relationships that have flourished, but I have also seen relationships fall apart. It hurts me every time a pair of students break up, because it leaves the ones in the relationship thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with them. In talking with these students, they often look to young married couples and say “they are so perfect, if only we could have been like them.” This is a dangerous assumption to make because it idolizes marriage as a cure to relationship struggles.

“If only we could be as cute as they are,” or “why can’t we have a relationship like theirs?” These are very dangerous ideas because it establishes an unrealistic expectation for marriage. It sets up the assumption that marriage will cure all possible struggles. It doesn’t solve your struggles, it amplifies them. Marriage doesn’t solve underlying issues of trust, communication or pride. If you go into marriage expecting everything to be wonderful and easy, you are going to be very disappointed.

The truth is, marriage is hard. Read More »