To start a blog or to not start a blog…

The thought of starting a blog terrifies me, yet again and again I have come across this idea and felt compelled to just give it a try. I’ve fought this feeling for years, doubting that my thoughts and ideas had any value, refusing to let myself believe my words could ever have any sort of impact. And well, maybe they still won’t, maybe this blog will remain hidden in obscurity in the vast world of the Internet. And quite honestly, I would be okay with that, because at the very least, I will have finally released these thoughts that have been trapped in my head for far to long. At last, these ideas will be free to run wild in the World Wide Web.

My husband has been bugging me to write for years. Even back when we were just dating, he somehow saw something in me that I wasn’t quite ready to embrace and every now and then he’d give me a gentle nudge and encourage me. “You should write a book”, or “you should start a blog”, he’d say after hearing me passionately spew a thread of thoughts about who knows what. But every time I would shrug it off. I didn’t want to be just another self-consumed millennial longing for my voice to be heard or thinking that I was somehow given profound revelations that needed to be read by the whole world. No, I was perfectly fine keeping my ideas to myself.

For anyone who knows me, I am a rather private person who does not share her inner thoughts easily. I must feel at ease and know that I can trust you to hear me out without judging or nitpicking at my ideas. I must be sure that no matter what I say, your opinion of me won’t suddenly change. That being said, I’m not sure if anyone other than my husband has truly experienced me freely expressing myself, my thoughts and ideas, my hopes and dreams, my heartbeat and desire to be a part of making this world a better place.But today you are lucky. Today I find myself ready to write, ready to share. I have been selfish with my thoughts and ideas. And I am still skeptical that they will make any sort of difference, but I hope perhaps that in releasing them to the world of the Internet that someday they may be found or stumbled upon by someone else just like me. Searching and uncertain. Hopeful yet afraid. Someone who also has ideas and dreams trapped in their head and their heart, longing to be free.

I have been so blessed and inspired by the words and stories of others and I can only hope that perhaps others may be blessed by me sharing mine.

So here’s to beginning a blog. A blog which will hopefully continue after today, but I can’t make you any promises. Today I was compelled to start writing. God only knows what tomorrow will bring.

– C

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